Well, where to start. Life continues to be a roller coaster ride and I have motion sickness. That probably sums it up the best. Being positive and knowing the best way to handle things doesn't always mean that you will maintain that positive attitude and make the best decisions.
I am drowning in a pool of uncertainty and struggle with whether I have made the right or best decisions. My hearts says I love him and I can't seem to live without him in my life. I miss his voice, his smile (those dimples), his touch. Is it too late? He has found someone else and has started a relationship with her that seems very intimate. Yet, when we talk he seems so unhappy and says he misses our life. Am I a fool? I do know I am confused and completely miserable and falling apart.
What is the truth? There is my truth, his truth and the truth others see when they look in. I wish someone could look into a mirror of the future and tell me what truth now will lead to happiness for us both? Is his happiness with her? Where is my happiness? I want it to be with him, but it never seemed he wanted it to be with me. I just want truth, honesty and openness. Does it hurt so much very worse to be honest??? I value that over all else. It hurts less in the end.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
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